Mutual Masturbation for Fertility-Conscious Couples: What It Is & Why It Matters

Written By The Mr. Fertyl Research & Education Team

Trying to conceive can sometimes feel like an all-or-nothing performance. Stress, scheduling, and pressure around “fertile days” can make sex feel less fun and more like a project. Mutual masturbation – when partners stimulate themselves (or each other) together – offers a low-pressure way to stay intimate, share pleasure, and even give sperm a bit of a break. It’s a safe form of sexual activity (no semen has to enter the vagina), so it won’t get anyone pregnant unless you decide to finish the job with intercourse. At the same time, it can reduce anxiety and boost connection. In fact, medical experts note that masturbation has many health benefits – it “may reduce stress, improve sleep and ease pain” [1] – and it certainly releases the right hormones. During orgasm your body shoots out dopamine (the “feel-good” hormone) and oxytocin (the “love” hormone), which counteract cortisol (the stress hormone) and leave you relaxed and happy [2]. For a couple under the microscope of a fertility plan, taking time to relax and bond can actually help maintain a positive mood and perspective.

What Is Mutual Masturbation and Why Try It?

Mutual masturbation means both partners sexually stimulate themselves (and possibly each other) at the same time. For example, one partner might stimulate their own genitals while the other watches and joins in, or each person might use their hands or a toy on themselves as the partner observes or helps. It’s sometimes called “partnered masturbation” or “shared self-pleasuring.” The key is that no penile-vaginal intercourse is needed, so you avoid pregnancy risk until you’re actually ready. But that doesn’t mean it’s any less intimate – partners can still kiss, caress, make eye contact, and talk freely about what feels good.

For couples trying to conceive (TTC), mutual masturbation can be a smart part of the strategy. It lets you enjoy orgasms any time without “wasting” sperm on days when pregnancy odds are low. (After all, having sex everyday as a routine can actually lower sperm count per ejaculate – studies show daily ejaculation depletes sperm reserves and cuts volume [9].) Instead, on off-days you can stimulate each other while saving those swimmers for the optimal window. Then, during the 2-3 days just before and including ovulation, you can focus on intercourse when it counts most. In fact, fertility experts recommend frequent intercourse around ovulation to maximize chances of conception [6]. Outside that window, mutual masturbation keeps intimacy high without diminishing sperm quality.

Mutual masturbation can also help when one partner has low libido or sexual issues. It feels less performance-driven: neither person has to get an erection or penetrate, so there’s no pressure to achieve intercourse. Both partners can take the lead or follow, which helps share control. You can explore each other’s bodies in a relaxed setting, and discover new turns-ons without expectation. Psychologists note that masturbation together can provide visual cues and communication about each other’s pleasure triggers [8]. In other words, it’s a way to teach each other what feels best - building trust and even intimacy in the process.

Emotional & Physiological Benefits

  • Stress relief: Going through fertility treatments or timing sex can be stressful. Yet orgasm naturally lowers stress: researchers note that orgasm-triggered oxytocin and dopamine release “counteract” cortisol [2]. Lower stress is actually linked to better fertility outcomes – one large study found that couples with lower stress hormones had higher chances of conceiving each day of the fertile window [7]. So taking a stress-relief break with mutual pleasure can only help.
  • Communication & connection: Mutual masturbation requires open communication about likes, dislikes, and comfort levels. Studies suggest it gives “visual cues” about what turns on each partner and encourages talking about sexual needs [8]. This non-judgmental sharing often deepens understanding and trust. In fact, therapists often use it as an exercise to “build trust” and improve intimacy (seeing each other vulnerable boosts the bond). Many women report that the ability to connect with a partner and improve intimacy is a strong motivation for trying partnered masturbation [8].
  • Protecting sperm health: Frequent ejaculations (from daily intercourse) reduce sperm count and volume [9]. By contrast, limits on ejaculation on non-fertile days can keep sperm counts higher when it matters. Moreover, keeping the testicles cool is important for sperm production. Medical sources warn that overheating the testicles (from tight underwear/pants, laptops on the lap, hot tubs, saunas, etc.) “may impair sperm production and function” [3]. Taking it slow on bedroom activities and choosing looser underwear helps keep things cool. One fertility study even found men who usually wear boxers (loose underwear) had significantly higher sperm count than those wearing tight briefs [5]. In practice, that means mutual masturbation on chilled days – preferably in breathable clothes or light boxers – can minimize any overheating risk for sperm.
  • No pregnancy anxiety: Since there’s no penetration, couples can relax without “putting out fires” and worrying about timing. This freedom reduces anxiety and lets both partners focus on pleasure and each other. Feeling relaxed and playful, rather than rushed or worried, is good for the relationship – and for fertility.
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Practical Tips for Enjoyable Mutual Masturbation

Getting started can feel awkward, so keep it simple and comfortable. Here are some friendly tips:

  • Set a relaxed mood: Choose a cozy, private space and time (no rushed mornings!). Dim the lights or light candles if that feels nice. Play soft music and make sure you won’t be interrupted. A warm, inviting atmosphere helps both people feel at ease.
  • Communicate openly: Before touching, talk a little about boundaries and fantasies. Discuss what you’re curious about and what you’re willing to try. Use gentle language and even safe signals: for example, agree that either partner can slow down or stop if something feels uncomfortable. Clear communication ensures both partners feel safe and respected.
  • Start slow and show: It’s perfectly fine to begin with each person pleasuring themselves while the other watches or lightly touches. You can demonstrate what you like (e.g. “I love it when you...” or simply mirror your partner’s hand motions on your own body). Give each other positive feedback (“That feels good” or “Try this speed”) so learning happens in real time.
  • Use your hands and other erogenous zones: Don’t be shy about exploring. A partner can stroke your genitals with their hands or a toy, or you can each stimulate yourselves while leaning against each other’s bodies. Include kisses, caresses, and even massage. You might also stimulate areas like nipples, ears, or inner thighs – whatever feels good to you both.
  • Try lubrication: Lube can make everything glide smoothly and feel better. If you’re comfortable, keep a bottle handy. It can enhance sensation, reduce friction, and add a sensuous vibe to the experience.
  • Watch cues and be patient: Pay attention to each other’s body language and sounds. If your partner seems to enjoy a particular touch, keep that going. If they tense up or say “ouch,” switch it up or slow down. Mutual masturbation is a learning experience – it’s fine if orgasms don’t happen immediately. Laugh a bit, take breaks if needed, and enjoy the discovery.
  • Take turns: You don’t have to orgasm simultaneously. You might each focus on your own pleasure for a bit, then switch who’s guiding the other’s hands, or even try orgasming in sequence. The goal is shared enjoyment, not synced outcomes.

Tip: Many couples find it fun to incorporate mutual masturbation as part of their “foreplay” ritual, even on days they’ll have intercourse later. It takes the pressure off the final act and can make partnered sex more exciting. In low-libido times, doing this activity ensures neither partner feels unwanted – it shows you care about each other’s pleasure even when you’re not aiming for a baby that moment.

Fitting It Into a Fertility-Friendly Lifestyle

Mutual masturbation works best as one piece of a broader fertility-friendly routine. Here’s how it can fit in:

  • Timing: Save ejaculation for prime fertility days. For example, use mutual masturbation during the week leading up to the ovulation window as a way to stay intimate. Then during the 2-3 most fertile days, switch to intercourse to actually try for pregnancy. This conserves sperm so that when it counts, you have a “full” ejaculate of high-quality swimmers [6].
  • Managing libido: If stress, nausea, or hormones have zapped your desire, mutual masturbation is a gentler way to be sexual. It allows the less-driven partner to be present without the demands of penetration. Over time, staying connected sexually may even help rebuild arousal naturally.
  • Lifestyle choices: Keep up with general fertility advice. Stay active, eat a balanced diet, and keep a healthy weight – all things known to support sperm quality. Don’t smoke or drink excessively. And be mindful of heat exposure: use laptop stands, avoid hot tubs, and yes – wear loose underwear. In fact, research suggests boxers or specially-designed underwear help sperm count [5]. For example, Mr. Fertyl’s men’s underwear is made with breathable, temperature-regulating fabric (and sustainably too) to keep the testicles cool. Choosing underwear with a looser fit can be a simple change that fits into a fertility-focused lifestyle.
  • Emotional support: Remember, fertility journeys can be a rollercoaster. Mutual masturbation sessions can double as intimacy “check-ins” – times to laugh, cuddle, and reassure each other. Keeping communication open (about both feelings and, yes, sex) strengthens your partnership. A study even found that offering fertility-support interventions lowers stress and increased pregnancy rates [11]. So by prioritizing emotional closeness, be it through sex or sharing hopes/fears, you’re doing double duty.
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Encouragement and Takeaways

Trying to conceive is supposed to be exciting, not exhausting. If timing sex is wearing you down, consider mutual masturbation as a healthy “Plan B” that still brings pleasure and closeness. It’s evidence backed – experts and studies note its benefits for stress reduction and communication [2][8] – and it helps protect sperm quality by avoiding over-ejaculation or overheating [3][5]. Think of it as another tool in your baby-making toolbox: safe, stress-relieving, and fun.

Give it a relaxed chance: schedule a night (or part of a night) where you both agree to take the pressure off “conception” and just focus on connecting. You might be surprised how much laughter and closeness it brings. And when the fertile days arrive, you’ll still have plenty of quality swimmers ready to go.

  1. Cleveland Clinic (2022), Masturbation – health library. Source.
  2. Cleveland Clinic (2022), Orgasm: What is an Orgasm. Source.
  3. Mayo Clinic (2022), Male Infertility: Symptoms and Causes – Mayo Clinic. Source.
  4. Mayo Clinic (2023), Male Masturbation: Does Frequency Affect Fertility? Source.
  5. Mínguez-Alarcón et al. (2018), Type of underwear. Source.
  6. Benson et al. (2016), Analysis of semen parameters during 2 weeks of daily ejaculation. Source.
  7. Buck Louis et al. (2011), Stress reduces conception probabilities. Source.
  8. Kılıç et al. (2023), The Role of Mutual Masturbation within Relationships. Source.
  9. Mayorga-Torres et al. (2015), Influence of ejaculation frequency on semen quality – Reprod. Biol. Endocrinol. Source.
  10. Magon (2011), Orgasmic history of oxytocin. Source.
  11. Rooney et al. (2018), The Relationship Between Stress and Infertility. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 20(1), 41–47. Source.